honestly, ive no idea wads ur fucking problem. like, why the fuck u dun let me out everytime. like why the fuck u like to keep perstering me day and night, calling home every 2 hours or 3, checkin on me. like wad the fuck? wads ur problem?! but then again, u're just too full of urself to realli bother knowing how i feel bout ur stupid actions.
and, shut up. shut up everytime u come home. why the heck do i have to listen to ur stupid shoutings everytime? DO U FUCKIN NOE HOW MUCH I DREAD HEARING U HOME? how i hate u shouting at me for, merely placing my drinking cup on the table, instead of finishin it and rinsing it immediately, how i put my hp pouch on the table again, how u hate all those things i do. really, why the fuck shld i be running aroundeverytime i hear ur car beeping downstairs, stashing all those things ive left on the table, around the hse, throwing them into my rm, just to avoid being scolded by u again? do u noe the fear i have? like wad the fuck? am i staying in a military camp? am i in a survival camp? nope, im just, in my home. funny. how i get shouted at everyday. i realli do hate u .
and worst thing, i cant even stand up to u. but u noe, at this stage, i dun realli care if our relationship spoils coz i shout back at u. there's realli no point. when i was younger, i'd be thinking that i realli shld shut up instead of talking back. i dun wanna be named that unfilial child next time or sth. and i never used to understand what gave aloysius wee the guts to shout back at u. i used to think all ur fucking reasonings were right. i used to look up to u. i used to admire u for the things u did.i used to think u were in control . i used to think... but realli, all these time growing up, i just realised u're simply full of crap. have u wondered why the fuck me n aloysius wee turned out like tat? have u ever wondered how come i dun like to kiss u gudnight? nah. U THINK ITS ME CHANGING. yea i guess, me changing. coz i happen to just realise more bout u, tat most of the things u did, were just plain wrong. tat ur so called reasonings, were merely lies protecting urself.
bringing me up, u were suppose to take care of me. tats wad parents do. yea u did! U OVER PROTECTING ME. i mean, just face it. wads ur prob?! if u're saying tat u always not letting me out is coz u're afraid i'd stray like my bro, let me say this. wad the fuck gives u the idea im like him? wad the fuck gives u the rights to confiscate my freedom, based on this shit?
and realli, u suck. childhood? all i can rmb of is, u hitting me on an evening, simply coz u wont allow me to slp coz its dinnertime but i keep dozing off infront of the tv. all i rmb is, me queueing behind my bro to show u my practice book, show that i did practice spelling. all i rmb is, me crying very often, infront of u, coz u were hitting me again, for sth i've done wrong. and u, asking me to go to the toilet to wash my face. and i rmb, all the canings i've had , all the fear i felt whenever i did sth wrong. and i'd always asked myself. wad the heck did i do, to suffer like tat. why the heck did i have to go thru this?
i rmb how biased u guys were. i rmb mum saying.explaining. how she also scolds my bro when he does wrong things,tat its onli she scolds him behind closed doors. tat just makes things worst doesnt it? like why the fuck shld i endure the embarassment of being scolded infront of others for some small stuff, yet him, scolded, behind closed doors. needless to say, i doubt u even scolded him.
realli, since u've always told me how u dint want me in the first place, u shld have just aborted me. then i wouldnt have to be born, wouldnt have to suffer. wouldnt have to go thru this shit. they say. family is like . the main building of support for ppl. really? i dun seem to know this. i only noe, tat when im old enuf to move out and able to support myself, i'll move out of this hell. but i doubt i will. coz i always have this soft part in my heart. i always have this. lack of stamina. to fight for wad i want. unless i am, like now, annoyed. irritated, pissed.
there's like a million tots of this crappy issue. of my family. of how i dislike them. but i cant sort out my tots now. so i'll just stop here. anyway, im rather random. gahhhhh .